


Cut, Please!

by RavenWhitecastle



Series: The Sinner and the Saint [3]
Category: Person of Interest (TV)
Genre: Behind the Scenes, Fake Outtakes, Filming, Gag Reels, Outtakes, Silly, not really sure how to tag this
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-09
Updated: 2018-06-09
Packaged: 2019-05-20 06:08:51
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,480
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14889096
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RavenWhitecastle/pseuds/RavenWhitecastle
Summary: They try hard, but things don't always go according to plan.~A series of faux outtakes, bloopers, and gags from my two "episodes" of Person of Interest, "Sugar and Spice" and "The Show Must Go On."





	1. Sugar and Spice Bloopers

**Author's Note:**

> I decided to call everyone by their characters names because it was too confusing to switch back and forth between Reese/Jim and Finch/Michael. I wanted readers to be able to know where the "scene" is in the story, so I copied a lot of lines verbatim and then fudged the endings. Yeah, John's kind of a klutz and Harold swears a bit, but have you seen these two?  
> I needed something short and fluffy to take my mind of some things. I've read some well executed "outtakes" here and on other sites and wanted to try my hand it, for no other reason than fun. I hope you guys get a kick out of it, too!

“Miss Graves was admitted to DeGustibus Cooking School.” Finch taped up a picture of Lacey in a full chef’s uniform. The picture promptly fell off the whiteboard and fluttered to the floor.  
“She graduated in- hm?” He was interrupted by Reese laughing.  
“Your- haha…” Reese pointed at the board. Finch turned around searching for the photo. He sighed when he saw it lying on the floor. “Oh, for *bleep* sake…”

~

Reese looked around the kitchen. Everything was where it was supposed to be. As he was looking at the stand mixer to his right, he bumped into the counter island in the middle of the room. 

~

“That’s the thing about criminal manasta- hahaha… oops.”

~

 _Take Two_  
“That’s the thing about criminal mastermim… *bleep.*”

~

 _Take Three_  
“That’s the thing about criminal masterminds. You never know that they’re masterminds until it’s too late.” Reese could be heard cheering off camera. Finch chuckled.

~

Reese exited the building he’d been perched on and started across the street at a dead sprint. About a foot from the curb, he tripped and went flying forward.  
“OH my!” Finch exclaimed, rushing to help him, “Are you alright?”  
Reese dusted himself off, smiling. “Yeah. From the top?”

~

“How do you know I’m driving it?” Reese teased, “You’re not still trying to follow me, are you?”  
Fusco scoffed. “Please. We didn’t start working together yesterday, mother *bleep.*”  
Fusco smirked at the camera as the crew groaned collectively. “Cut!”

~

“He’s a bad guy for hire, but he’s hired by more than just bad guys. He’s gone on trial for cases involved legal execs and CEOs.”  
“Guys like Harvey Pendleton?”  
There was a pause. “Caldwell,” the director called out.  
“What?”  
“Harvey Caldwell. Not Pendleton.”  
“Oh, ha.”

~

“You said you’d tell me a bit about your friend,” Reese began, “but no one else works at the bakery, and… and I- I just looked directly into camera.”  
Emily groaned, but couldn’t hide a smile.

~

As the elevator descended, Reese tried to tuck his gun away. “When we get down to the first floor, we’ll…” He glanced back at his pants and tried again. “We’ll take the service exit to-” He sighed, failing yet again to stick his gun in its holster. “Dang it.”  
Emily tried to suppress her laughter and failed.

~

“If DeLano’s clientele is high profile upper class, any connections would result in public scandal, honestly, did you hurl yourself into the bullet?”  
Finch sneakily poked Reese in the side with the forceps. Reese yelped and jumped off the desk, sending papers flying everywhere. “Hey!” he snapped, barely concealing a grin.  
“What? I was trying to get an authentic reaction!”

~

As soon as he heard the snap of the thread being cut from the stitches, Reese stood up and readjusted his shirt.  
“Ah- hey! I wasn’t fi- haha, oh no…”  
Finch’s scissors were dangling from Reese’s shirt, having gotten hooked on his outer pocket. Chuckling, Reese pulled them out and handed them to Finch. “Whoops.”

~

“Of course, Mr. Caldwell,” Finch said, “It’s what we do.”  
“Pendleton!” the director called, exasperated, “Not Caldwell!”  
“Pendle- aw, hell.”

~

“I’m not going to kill you Mr. Caldwell,” Reese said calmly, “I intend to make you squirm like the pathetic mealworm you are.”  
There was a pause. “Mealworm?” he echoed.  
Reese sighed. “Not working for you, huh?”

~

 _Take Two_  
“I intend to string you up by your toes and make you sing like a canary.”  
“Nope!” the director called.  
“Sorry!”

~

 _Take Three_  
“I intend to rip your hairs out one at a time and feed them to you.”  
“What?”  
Reese threw up his hands. “This is what happens when you guys make me improvise?”

~

“You think we’ll ever see her again?” Reese asked.  
“Only time will tell, Mr. Reese,” Finch replied, “Only time will tell.”  
As the camera followed them walking away, Finch reached out to take Reese’s hand. Playing along, John started skipping, and they skipped down the sidewalk together.  
“CUT!”


	2. The Show Must Go On Bloopers

Reese and Finch were out walking Bear when the call came in. Harold handed the leash over to John before picking up the payphone. Bear promptly walked around John and wrapped the leash around his legs.   
“Bear, _affligen. AFFLIGEN!_ ”

~

Reese was doing his Christopher Walken impression again. “Don’t be coy, Harold. I KNOW you know, you know? So now you know I know that you know. Mmm.”  
Finch shook his head. “How unprofessional,” he teased.

~

Reese stepped closer to hear better from his place in the wings. He tangled in the curtain and unceremoniously stumbled forward. “Whoops.” Before the camera stopped rolling, he wrapped himself up in the leg, disappearing entirely. Ashley could be heard chuckling from the stage.

~

Reese sighed. “I can see why you didn’t do more than dabble. This process seems incredibly… extremely. I meant extremely.”

~

_Take Two_  
“I can see why you didn’t do more than dabble. This process seems extremely tidi… ugh.”  
“Extremely titty?” Finch echoed.   
Reese shook his head, smirking. “Shut up.”

~

“What would keep Ashley from performing?”  
“Not very much. Nothing short of laryngiritis… No, that’s not it.”

~

_Take Two_  
“Not very much. Nothing short of laryngiters or…” Finch cleared his throat. “Not very much. Nothing short of laryngitis or fiscal… fffff*bleep.*”

~

Martin slammed his pen on his desk and swore. “We agreed that those charges would stay buried.”  
Martin hitting the desk caused other things to roll onto the floor. Finch couldn’t hold back a chuckle at the ensuing clatter. “You want to uh… haha.”  
Martin chuckled. “Yeah, probably.”

~

“He doesn’t mean Miss O’Connell any harm. In fact, he seems more protective of anything but his cast.”  
“Hold please.”  
“What? What’d I- Oh, *bleep.*”

~

“If she goes on stage, she’ll be in more danger than ever,” Reese pointed out, “I can’t protect her with an audience that large.” He set aside his coffee, watching Ashley carefully. The coffee was too close to the edge of the table, and the cup fell off.   
Off camera, the crew groaned.   
“Ah…” Reese winced, “Sorry.”  
“Can we get clean up and another coffee?”

~

“Half the men here aren’t even wearing ties, and I think I saw a young man wearing flip flops… Nah, let’s do it again.”

~

_Take Two_  
“Half the men here aren’t even wearing ties, and I think I saw a young man wearing jeggings.”

~

“Must this line be improvised?”

~

_Take Three_  
“Half the men here aren’t even wearing ties, and I think I saw a young man wearing a speedo.”  
Reese couldn’t contain his laughter. He burst into giggles, and Finch joined him shortly after.  
“CUT! Let’s take five, everybody.”

~

“Is the hall of your left or my left?!” Reese asked frantically.  
“Your left.”  
“Okay, my left.”

~

Breathing heavily, Reese propped the perp up against the catwalk railing. He fumbled with the cable, trying to leash him to the rail. Finally, he succeeded. A moment passed before he started laughing. “That sucked. Let me do that again.”

~

The weary detective answered his phone with a moan. “This had better be good, Wonderboy.”  
“Hello, Lionel.”  
“What could be so *bleep* important that it couldn’t wait until morning?”  
“CUT!”

~

“See, I’m not a cop.” John chuckled. "I’m not a cop, see?” he said, switching to a mobster accent. “Myah, ya see? Badabing badaboom.” He swung his hips and pointed a finger gun at Fusco.  
Fusco laughed. “You’re ridiculous.” He looked towards the camera. “Ya see what I gotta work with?”

~

“Maybe a pair of tight cuffs will loosen your lips.”  
Fusco turned to take the perp to the patrol car. John turned and hit his earpiece.  
“I didn’t get anything out of our-”  
He got halfway through his line before he slipped on the smooth concrete and pinwheeled forward. *BLEEP*  
Fusco looked back at him and laughed. “You good?”  
John, face still pressed to the concrete, gave a thumbs up.

~

Phillip threw a couple of aimless punched, but accidentally connected with Reese’s head.   
“Ohmygod, are you okay?!”  
“Yup. I blocked when I should have ducked.”  
“From the top!”

~

Finch glanced at the camera after delivering his line and shook his head. “Absolute garbage.”

~

Reese stood on the curb and Finch sat on the front stoop while the director set up the shot. Reese was swaying from side to side against the chilly night air. Softly, Finch started humming.   
“The phaaaaaantom of the opera is there…” he sang.  
Reese rolled his eyes and threw his head back. “No singing!”  
Finch chuckled shamelessly.

~

Finch tucked his paper under his arm and rummaged around in his coat. He struggled to find the program from the show, patting his coat until he finally found it. He pulled it out to present it to Ashley. “Would you... Can- May I have your autograph?”  
Ashley giggled and took the program. After a second they all dissolved into laughter.   
Finch looked towards the camera. “That’s quite possibly the worst acting I’ve ever done.”

~

_That’s a wrap!_


End file.
